Back to December

*Taylor Swift-Back to December*

So lawrence's blog brought me here, writing again after i left this blog untouched since last august.  I don't take blogging too serious and that's the main reason why i almost forgot that i owned a blog.

Life's wonderful though sometimes i've to get through the up and down of it. Study? OK. Family? GREAT. Financial status? WORRISOME. Love life? NANA :)

What i've been up to?

Thanks GOD i'm still a medic student, second year is treating me well so far except for this 12th block. ohh and i've passed my first year. campus life is still the same, except i've new people coming into my life-juniors. I'm quite close with a few of them. They are crazy. Totally crazy.

I've added 2 film cameras to my collection. Say hello to Olympus OM10+Olympus OM zuiko f1.4 50mm lens+ another lens which i forgot and a humble underwater plastic camera, aquapix which i've tried but failed.

I bought the olympus for IDR350,000. And IDR650,000 for the f1.4 lens. Bought it because it's very cheap compare to the same cameras sold in Malaysia.  And for the aquapix, i've longing to buy it long time ago. Thanks to a trip to Pulau Tidung where i thought it will be awesome to have an underwater camera.  Unluckily, the camera didnt function well.  Now, i'm planning to get one instant camera. Havent decide to get instax or polaroid.

To Nana, congrats for completing your A level and goodluck waiting for the result :) see you in 2 months time. I love you :)

Another 8 weeks for me to get my ass off from Jakarta. Then, Hello Sibu :) awyeahhh babyyyy

See you again blog if i'm free enough to write. Like i've follower to read what i posted here. puii

I'm excited to see you too :) cant wait for you to come home, but sorry for letting you down last night.  everything happened for some reasons.  I was too excited cz you are coming back home that i want to talk to you on the phone.  I know you're busy packing your things, but packing things wont take so long.  I'm worried why you didnt text me, oh maybe you went to see your friends or etc. i waited until 1 in the morning when i was trying to sleep, you texted me saying you're studying. It's okay and as long as i remember, i replied like how i used to and in the end, i got the goodnight wish which was just a goodnight wish. I didnt know how to react, so i just copied and pasted what you said.  If that caused your mood to go down in the drain, i'm sorry.

Worrying over something that you care the most is not a crime, or should i care less next time? ahh, maybe this is it. This is what a relationship is all about.  To understand both sides better.  No one to blame for all this

A busy weekend for me, going to be a volunteer for an event tomorrow, scared that i cant stay up tonight to call you.  It's our special day :) but i'll try my best.  I love you liyana

Perencah hidup

Untuk merasai liku manis hidup, perlu terlebih dahulu mengharungi liku yang tidak menyenangkan.

Setiap yang pahit adalah kunci kepada kemanisan yang dicari.

I've let my selfishness conquered me :(

"I must say that each and every one of u are very lucky to have that someone who really adores u. Give and take / Tolerance is the main key.. Do not let ur selfishness conquers u.. If you want him or her to remain faithful.. then just do the same.. Do not hope for a better person to come into ur life.. Both of u should try to be better.. True ♥ does exist." -quoted-

I love you baby

"My dreams became your future

 A pair of beautiful birds chasing each other

A love I could never get enough of

 You're the person I want to meet when reborn"

On that day,

I felt something is missing,

not just a part of me,

everything seem to be wrong,

but i cant tell what, 

weak, emotional wreck

Waiting and waiting,

when it came,

turned out it's not from you,

i've so much to tell,

to share my stories,

sadly, i've to keep it,

to myself

For eyes to see,

fovea must works well,

for ears to hear,

there're timpani membrane,

to smell,

one needs olfactory organs,

without ribcage,

lungs will stay still,

without joints,

the whole body cant move

I learned that,

for heart to function well,

it needs pacemaker,

to create enough force,

supplying blood to whole body

A damage to a lobe of a brain,

can cause malfunction to our body,

just imagine how,

whole system wont work,

without complete lobes

You're my pacemaker,

part of my lobes,

part of my eyes,

my ears, 

every cells and organs i have

You're my missing piece,

just imagine,

how will i be without you

I love you 

I'm sorry :(

I'm sorry I'm bad

I'm sorry you're blue 

I'm sorry about all the things I said to you

And I know I can't take it back

I love how you kiss

I love all your sounds

and baby the way you make my world go round

And I just wanted to say I'm sorry

Full of regrets

My dad once told me, when someone is not in his/her perfect emotion, being mad at you, you should never say a word, because once you say anything, that will just make the situation becoming worse and worse.  It's like adding kerosene to the fire.  Instead, i should just keep what i want to say to myself, that's more like adding water to the fire.  Fire and fire wont work together-i forgot that.

I admit it, i've never act like a grown up man like you always want.  I just want my desire to be fulfilled without thinking of yours.  That's not make any sense in a relationship.  So far, this is the worst outbreak in our relationship.  I've never experience any like this before.


I know it's my fault.  Started with ignoring you on skype :( At that time, i just cant control my feeling.  I was sleepy, tired and when you answered me like that, i dont know why i am so sensitive that night. I'm sorry dear.


Things maybe will be better if i gave you some times to yourself yesterday.  But i didnt consider to give you  any and kept on texting you.  It's like i forced you to text me though i know you're not in the right mood.  You can blame me 100%  for what had happened on us for not being understanding.


There are a lot for me to change to be a better boyfriend of yours.  Could you forgive me for what i've done.  You're strong, you've being beside me through thick and thin.  No matter how i've disappoint you, you always be there.  I know this time, you are disappointed at me more than before.  I've no intention to make you sad.  Could you please forgive me and give me chance to fix our relationship that i've messed up.

“Every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that’s the thing—you’re a couple, and couples can’t function without trust.” 
― Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight

“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.” 
― Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven

“Forgive the past. It is over. Learn from it and let go. People are constantly changing and growing. Do not cling to a limited, disconnected, negative image of a person in the past. See that person now. Your relationship is always alive and changing.” 

I'm not sure when you'll read this.  Maybe for now you don't want to hear anything from me, but if you read it later, i hope everything will be back to normal.  I miss you so much.  I miss your smile, i miss to hear you laugh, i miss everything about you.  And please, tell me that your tweets aren't true.  I want us to be us like before.  We tell stories to each other, laugh together, jokes around, act silly, being childish and be our true selves.  I want to be the one that will laugh and cry with you, going through good and hard times together.


You asked me why i fall for you, it's hard for me to explain why because i just did what my heart told me.  Started with texting each other, that already make me feel comfortable with you and being myself.  That's me who're childish all the time, playful and not serious.  I'm sorry if im not up to your expectation but i believe that, experiences and times will teach me to be a better man.


I'm sorry sayang :( i want you to know that i love you so much and i miss you :( 

“I may not always be with you 

But when we're far apart

Remember you will be with me

Right inside my heart” 

I totally regret for what i've done.  I hope there's still chance for me to make everything right.

Give me chance to light up your world like before

I love you so much Nur Liyana Amin

You :)

Dear girlfriend,

This guy want to say something.

He wants to say :

I love you :)

Taken in bulb mode with : 

Holga 135BC+Holga 12MFC 

+Shutter release cable+tripod

loaded with Fuji Superia 200

Equation

Sweet + heart = <3

I hope and pray that you're mine to keep.

Ive no guts to tell anyone what i feel now and maybe i need someone to talk to.  I wish my dad is here with me so that i can talk to him in person.  He always treat me like his best friend and yes, i'm comfortable with that.  All things seem not right to me.  Hardly can focus on my study these few days.

Can i say that i'm suffering from lovesick?  Distance are torturing me right now.  I feel like you're getting further away from me or is it just my feeling?  Just hope that there are still sparks to ignite the fire.  Sometimes, i feel i'm just like a candle.  When the wind blows strongly, *puff the light goes off and when it's kept properly, the light stays.  I myself do not understand my own feeling right now.  It's too complicated.  All i want is to be with you, where distance is nothing to our relationship.

On this beautiful night, i gaze at the stars.  They are just like you-very beautiful. Shining brightly from afar.  But, looking at them make me sad.  Reminds me of how we spent our times together when i'm just beside you, just two of us :( people says distance can't separate you from the one whom you love, however, for me distance separate me from the one i love.  It makes me to suffer like this.  Luckily there's this feeling-missing you.  With that feeling, i found you inside my heart, very close to me.

I admit that i'm a weak person.  I cant endure this kind of feeling, how am i going to go through this when u're in india next year. hmm Just pray that i'll become stronger.

I miss you so much :(

Love you always

Happy birthday doctor :)

This special post is dedicated to a very special girl

To my dearest Nana,

I've known you since you're 7, today, you've turned 19 and it's different now, after 12 years.
The girl whom i seldom talked to last time is the one who i want to see everyday now.

Happy birthday sayang, and may this year bring you the very best life has to offer.  May you'll achieve your target, all A's in A level exam :) good health and happiness.

This year will be another year that i'll love you more and more :)

I've nothing to give as presents but, i can give you my gift of love because you're the gift in my life

Happy birthday my love :)

For you to know, my heart for you will never break. My smile for you will never fade. My love for you will never end. I love you so much

I would love to capture more of your pictures using analog camera :) Though we'll change, the pictures remain the same, so do the memories.  It's worth than thousand words.  I love you so much

DEMAM

kali pertama demam seteruk ini sejak *x ingat bila* Ingatkan just demam biasa-biasa yang disertai sekali oleh sakit tekak.  Mungkin disebabkan oleh cuaca kot.  Mana x nya, masuk dlm bilik beraircond, then keluar balik, then masuk balik. Perubahan suhu yang tiba-tiba/ x menentu boleh menyebabkan demam. ye ke?

Demam memang x best, tp nak buat mcm mana kan? terlantar atas katil beserta sakit kepala dan tekak. Dah la integrasi 1 hari rabu next week dan ujian skill lab keesokan harinya. Semoga aku cepat sembuh.

Bila demam ni, parents x putus-putus call.  Macam ni la kalau berjauhan dgn family.  Kalau kat rumah pulak, sedap sikit, ada orang jaga.  Nak mintak makanan panggil je adik.  Tapi kat sini, nak makan terpaksa beli sendiri.  Nasib baik kedai dekat, kalau jauh, x makan la aku untuk beberapa hari.

Aku bingung, tugasan PBL untuk esok belum siap lagi :( semoga sempat siapkan sebelum esok.

TWO-oh

I dont want anything for my birthday present.  It's enough if you ask me to skype-date tonight :)
I wish..

I know you are very busy preparing for you big exam.  We seldom text each other and no more every night skype-ing.  I understand u've something which is more important to do.  Ive tried control myself from thinking too much about it. But the fact is, i cant endure the pain of missing you :'( i miss you so much.  I would be better if my another half is missing me too.

Your absence has gone through me

Like thread through a needle.  Everything I do is stitched with its color.~W.S. Merwin,    "Separation"

i miss you :( 

I know what i did last holiday

I'll try to summarize my first semester break in this post.

nothing can beat the excitement of going back to your hometown after 5 months away.  My dad booked my flight ticket to Malaysia on the 7th of February.  I boarded an early morning flight.  Reached Kuala Lumpur at noon.  As soon as i entered the departure hall, i contacted her and my best friend muadz.  Of course i called my mom first to tell her that i've arrived.  I bought ERL ticket to go to KL Sentral.  Met muadz at Salak Tinggi ERL station. 

After taking the ERL, i stopped at Hang Tuah's station to meet her :) it's our first meeting after 5 months.  Though i was very happy to see her, my condition made the situation a bit awkward.  I was sweating like hell carrying my bags.  I've to rush because i've customers waiting for their films.  Ohh, before i went back, i bought some film stocks i sold most of them to my analogue-lover-friends. 

At the pavillion, after meeting all customers, we had lunch together with muadz.  I know you didnt like it but he's my bestfriend and we've not meet each other since august 2011.  Sorry :( but at least we spent the rest of the time together right? 

After spending some times together, we had to say goodbye to each other.  That's the part i hate the most. We've been apart for 5 months and only able to meet each other for few hours :( my flight to Sibu was on the next day, 8th of Feb.  The End of my KL's Story.  My Sibu's story is coming soon.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When i reached Sibu airport and met my parents-they came to fetch me, the first thing my dad said was my hair looked like helmet. -.-'' I didnt cut my hair when i was in Indonesia.  So it's been 6 months since i cut my hair last time. 

In Sibu, my daily routine was (starting from the morning i wake up), woke up, had my lunch, went out with my best cousin, went back home, had my dinner, tv/online, on the phone with her and this routine kept on repeating every day.

While in Sibu, here are the list of activities i joined :

• Cousin's birthday celebration
• Futsal with friends
• Went to bintangor with friends
• Celebrate ex-history teacher birthday
• Went to school
• Went photo outing with nidzam
• Attend cousin's wedding reception
• Took lots of photos using my film cameras

These are all the activities that i can recall.  I'm sorry if i only did that during my one month holiday.

On the 3rd of March, I left Sibu for Kuala Lumpur before going back to Jakarta the next day, 4th of March.  Again, I met her and we spent some times together.  We had dinner to celebrate our birthday.  It was pre-celebration as both of us were born in March.  The difference is just the date, im in the middle of march and hers is on the last week of the month.  I hope you'll keep the simple present that i gave that night.

Thanks because you're willing to spend some times with me though you know it's only for few hours and you might get tired because of me.  I want you to know that though it was only a short meeting, and we met only twice, i appreciate your efforts to come to see me.  That means a lot to me.  I will remember all the times we had together.  I will keep our memories till forever.  and i hope you'll do the same thing.  I want you to know that i love you so much and no matter how far the distance between us, trust me, i'll always be by your side when you need me.  Regarding the distance that keep us apart, u dont have to worry because  distance never separates two hearts that really care.  Sometimes, i do feel sad because i miss you so much, but after all, i remind myself how lucky i am to have someone special to miss.  I may not be able to give you lots of money, but i guarantee that i can give you happiness as long you are with me :) i love you so much 

That's how i spent my one month holiday and a bit out-of-topic heart expressions

Stay tuned for the next post, i will post some of my pictures taken with my beloved film cameras :)

Another post without title.

I'm totally clueless and confused with what's happening right now.  Never been in situation like this before.

I hope everything will be fine and back to normal.

I'm sorry with what i've said.  I know you are offended but I just cant control myself to say it.  Letting myself to say it was my biggest mistake.  I'm so sorry :'(

I love you so much L.  If you let me to know any of your problems, i promise, we will go through them together and i'll be a better person who can lead you till jannah.  If i've ever done any mistakes, please forgive me :(

I love you so much.

How am i going to start this post?

Hmm, I'm sorry for what i've done.  I know it's my fault that you have to let go your studies that night.  I really want to talk to you but i cant even open my eyes.  I'm so sorry, it's not what i want.

The next day, i texted you and i got cold response from you.  I knew you're mad at me because of the night before.  But i tried to act like nothing happened.  I apologized, asked you everything, told you what i'm doing that time, tried to bring up some stories but still, that didnt work.  I dont know what's wrong.  Maybe i've done something wrong but i dont know what.

I'm not sure what i have done, but if you want me to know your problem please tell me what it is and dont keep it to yourself.  I'm not a psychic to read people's mind.  And i'm still learning to be a good boyfriend.  Please give me some times to learn.

I love you so much and i want this situation to end as soon as possible. I'm just an ordinary human being, i make mistakes, i'm sorry.

"speechless" :'(

Teringat teguran pak cik aku ketika hari raya aidilfitri tahun lepas.  Tidak enak gambar begitu diletakkan di laman sosial yang boleh ditatap oleh jutaan orang.  Seingat aku, sudah cukup ketat 'mode privacy' di letakkan.   Dia tegur straight kat muka aku, depan pak cik dan mak cik yang lain.  Tipu la kalau aku cakap aku tak rasa malu.  Aku malu, cuba untuk menyembunyikan rasa malu, aku buat-buat tak tahu.  I'm good at being and acting cool. LOL 

Aku faham kenapa ditegur begitu, cukup buat aku untuk fikir banyak kali.  Memang kita perlu berfikir banyak kali untuk buat sesuatu.  Aku faham dan sekarang lebih banyak berfikir sebelum bertindak.  

Persoalannya, adakah semua yang berlaku adil? adakah apa yang terjadi kepadaku terjadi kepada orang lain?  Melihat laman sosial seorang saudara rapat, A yang lebih terbuka menjaja kisahnya kepada umum, adakah dia diperlakukan sebegitu juga?  

Dalam kes aku, di laman sosialku, hanya sedikit gambar yang mungkin agak sensitif bagi sesetengah pihak diletakkan, itupun sudah sedaya upaya di'hide'kan untuk orang umum, apatah lagi pak cik dan mak cik aku.  Dengan keadaan 'private' begitupun aku sudah dileteri oleh mereka.  Sedangkan aku tidak mendengar pun sebarang komen terhadap A.  Jika dibandingkan jantina, sepatutnya, mereka harus lebih membimbangkan si A kerana dia seorang perempuan.  Bukan hendak menjadi seksis, tetapi apakah elok seorang perempuan lebih banyak menjaja cerita peribadi daripada lelaki?

Masih berfikir dan mencari jawapan.  Bagiku, dileteri bukan satu masalah, ianya lebih kepada satu penghargaan kerana mereka sayang akan aku.  Ia mengingatkan aku, sesetengah perkara adalah lebih baik disimpan untuk diri sendiri.  Tidak semua yang boleh diceritakan kepada orang luar.  Tidak molek jika kita menceritakan semua yang terjadi kepada orang ramai.

Hidup ini umpama bulan. Bulan penuh jarang terjadi

DuaKosongSatu

I tried to sleep, but i cant.  It is because either i slept in the evening or something is bothering me.

Yes, something is bothering me right now.  I'm not sure whether it's my fault or other way round.  For me, I didnt do anything wrong.

Maybe i shouldn't text you when you're with your friends at the first place.

Ive tried my best to response to what youve said but i failed and it hurt you.

If i didnt reply "OK" maybe we'll be alright.  But, the problem is, when i asked you question, you only response to my question.  I'm looking for a two way communication.  Next time, let's try this way,  you ask me a question and i'll answer only to that question.  In the end, you'll end like how i did.  Try to check your inbox and see whether it's true or not.  Prove me wrong if you think it's my fault.

It took you 3 hours to reply my text message.  But that's not the problem.  I know you're busy watching drama performance and sometimes, you also have to wait for my text message when i'm sleeping or playing futsal.  After the drama, you texted me saying you're sorry, still, that's not the problem.  Then i asked you whether the drama had finished or not, then you replied 'yes', i asked you what are you doing at that time, then you replied you're with your friend, i'm actually waiting for you to ask me something or tell me anything about the drama.  So i asked you another few questions, asked you about your dinner, your tomorrow class and then you only answered the questions.  This questions and answers session last until i didnt have any other ideas to talk about.  So in the end, i answered OK.  I'm sorry if the OK part made you aint' OK.

If it's really my fault, i'm sorry.

These few days, we didn't skype that much even on our first anniversary :( If you ask me whether is it ok if we do not skype every night, i will say no.  It's because i miss you so much.  However, I have to be fair to you,  I know you're busy with your exam which is next week so i gve way to you to study.  We spent less time texting and etc.  At night, when you said you're doing revision, i will stop texting you and ask you to text me after you've finished everything.  Yes, you did text me but i felt guilty because at the time you texted me because, you're still studying at your apartment.

Maybe from now on, we should continue texting each other only on the next day.  I dont want to distract you from doing revision.  I'm sorry if i've done wrong

I'm sorry that i've to post this after the 200th post :(

Note to myself : Jangan hanya fikir tentang hati dan perasaan sendiri,

200th post & I love you :)

Let's make it simple and special :)

I thought about this idea before my christmas holiday last month.  Before that, there were several ideas in my head.  After thinking about cost, time consumption, materials and etc, i made my decision to make something special out of something simple.

Firstly, i'm sorry, i lied to you saying that i'm doing my lomowall project as i didnt have any ideas to answer you when you asked me what project that i did.  I spent few days on that project and early January, i posted it to Malaysia

Thanks to your friend.  I have your friend's number and i asked her for help.  At first, i'm scared to ask her but she's fine with it.  I owe your friend one.  After one week, yesterday, 9.1.12 she texted me saying that she already got the package that i sent.  I delivered the package to her instead of my <3 She asked me when she should give the package to her.  I told her to give it today 10.1.12 and she asked me why not yesterday.  Then, change of plan, the package was given to her yesterday.  Her friend put the package on her desk when she's jogging.  I didnt expect your friend to do that but, that's a good idea indeed.

I was quite nervous waiting for your text saying that you had opened the package.  But i didnt get any text message about that.  I knew from your tweet when you discover the package on your desk but i didnt want to ask about it.  I'm sorry, maybe that gift is very simple, i've tried my best to make it special for you :)

Happy one year anniversary sayang :)  I love you so much.  May our relationship will last forever.  I want to grow old with you, I want to share every precious moments with you, I want to spend more time with you if possible.

This is my 200th post and it's especially for you :)

Haziq
Jakarta

Happy one year anniversary sayang :)

Dapat jugak bagi hadiah beratus-ratus ribu kat orang. kalau kat malaysia mana dapat. hehehe

Title

Dengan rasminya hari ini aku diisytiharkan sebagai anak gondrong.

Anak gondrong dalam bahasa Indonesia bermaksud long-haired child apabila di google translatekan ke dalam bahasa Inggeris ataupun budak berambut panjang dalam bahasa Melayu.

Kenapa? salahkah student medic berambut panjang?

Percayalah rambut aku mungkin lebih panjang daripada seperti di atas.
Gambar daripada camera kurang dari 5.0mp

For me, for you, and for everyone

Please don't be sad.  There are still enough time for you to study and score in your coming AS this may/june.  When I compare your result to mine, you have done much better, way better than i did last time.  In real exam, there wont be any problem for you to score if you keep on doing what you did now-study constantly.  

I've a few friends that didn't pass their internal exam but they still get good result.  Internal exam is nothing.  So just treat is as exercise.  I know how sad you are, you get all the pressure from your friend who get better result, and the most from your family.  I've been in your place, so I know how it feels. 

After getting poor result for my internal exam last time,  I kept on thinking, I might not pass the cut off point, but i still put a lot of effort to study.  I'm not like you, I can say that you do your revision everyday.  Last time, i played a lot, fooled around and not being serious in my study.  The result is, i never get near 10 points for my internal exams.  With so little time to study, I'm not so confident during the real exam.

On the day when the result came out, we texted each other remember.  After I knew my result, I was really sad.  I stopped texting you for a while and I stayed in my room for the whole evening.  I needed time for myself to think what i've done.  From there, I know that i was never being serious about my study before.  And maybe now, I'm still not serious.  But I know one thing, it's my wake up call.  I need to study harder and spend my time more on books.

From that moment, I tried to balance everything, I spent more time to do study group with friends, did more exercise, stayed up till late night and went out less.  But, the result for my A2 internal exam was still below the cut of point.  At that time, none of my close friends care about the cut off point.  Only the lecturers did.  When it came to A2 exam, I just tried my best.

I called the college to get my final result.  My bio lecturer told me one by one.  I got a better result for my phy when compared to my AS result, so I felt a bit confident to pass the cut off point.  When she went through one by one, i see there was hope for me to pass but sadly, the last subject-bio dragged the points down.  At that time, i've tried my best and i've no point to be frustrated because i cant change anything.  I've put all my efforts and i still scored 11 points.  I was only sad because i cant join my friends to go to Poland.

About my parents, after getting my AS result, i called them, i cried.  I know how my mom felt that time.  She hoped her son will pass, but different things happened, her son failed.  Though she didnt scold me, I know she's sad by seeing the way she talked and reacted.  We met during CNY.  During vacation, my parents talked a lot about my study.  The way they talk, they didnt put much pressure on me, but i still can feel it.  

Before AS, I can say that i'm not a good son.  I seldom called home, talked to my mom and when i did badly during my exam, she had her right to scold me.  That time, when she nagged at me, I just listened to her and pretended nothing happened.  I hate it when people ask me to do this or to do that.  That is not the way I like.  But try to find the reason why they ask us to do this and that.  There must be a good reason behind it.  If you dont like it, you try to find the least you can do to fix the situation.

So, what i did is from that moment is, I tried to spend few minutes to call my mom everyday.  I told her what i've done for that day and asked her to pray for me.  It's a lie if i say i've never get mad at her.  I did and i still do now, but it takes me not too long for me to cool down.  She's not in our situation so she doesnt know how we feel.  Just take what she said as a challenge.  Prove that you're the best son/daughter in your family.

The truth is, my mom always put too much hope on me as her first son and the eldest in my family.  I can feel that she's not treating my sister like how she treats me all this time.  She gives me everything i want but, i made a mistake which is i failed to make her dream come true.  Thanks God, now i've a chance to study abroad and i'll use this chance to prove to her that i'm worth to be her son.

So for now, just do your job which is to study hard.  Don't let anyone down.  Cheer up.  This is not the end.  The journey is still long.  Anything can happen next time.  Don't blame anyone, don't blame yourself.  You just need to carry on your responsibility as a student.  When someone nags at you and you find he/she don't know the real situation, just ignore them.  I've been at your place and i know how it feels.  Just trust yourself in whatever you're doing now or in the future.  Only you can determine you fate.  Only you can change your future.

I write this post for myself, to remind me not to forget my responsibilities as a student and a son to my parents.  I'll try my best

Ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa.  Aku tak guna akal.

Maaf 

semoga aku lebih matang

I just want it to be between us alone.  No other distractions if possible.  It seems like you're busy doing other things.  hmm.  I'm sorry if i'm doing things like that too but i've tried my best to bring up topics to talk about.  If it's not interesting enough, sorry, at least ive asked you many questions and what i actually want is a 2 way communication.  I'm sorry if you dont agree with me.  I just write what i feel.  Sorry.

I love you

First day of 2012

My first day of 2012 is not over yet.  Still an hour to go.  So how's my first day of 2012?

I spent most of my time inside my room watching korean's variety show, running man.  I've been watching it since early december and now i'm addicted to it.  I planned to start my day by waking up early in the morning, do something beneficial.  however i woke up at noon and i didnt do anything beneficial.  what a bad start for my new year.

At least i've finished my project today.  It finished in time as i planned to get it done before  i returned myself to my hectic schedule.  Done with the project, surveyed the place and now i knew where it is :)

Friends went to the mall without telling me.  I feel a bit sad because they should at least asked me to join but, they left me alone celebrating the first day inside my room :(

I cant sleep well last night.  Maybe that's why i woke up at noon today.  Ive few things in my head now and mostly are about money.  My finance is not stable now and i've to spend wisely.  I have to stop myself from spending too much on food.  I try to use only IDR 50 000 for a week. Can I? 

I think second day of 2012 wont bring any difference to me.  Just the same old Haziq