Please don't be sad. There are still enough time for you to study and score in your coming AS this may/june. When I compare your result to mine, you have done much better, way better than i did last time. In real exam, there wont be any problem for you to score if you keep on doing what you did now-study constantly.
I've a few friends that didn't pass their internal exam but they still get good result. Internal exam is nothing. So just treat is as exercise. I know how sad you are, you get all the pressure from your friend who get better result, and the most from your family. I've been in your place, so I know how it feels.
After getting poor result for my internal exam last time, I kept on thinking, I might not pass the cut off point, but i still put a lot of effort to study. I'm not like you, I can say that you do your revision everyday. Last time, i played a lot, fooled around and not being serious in my study. The result is, i never get near 10 points for my internal exams. With so little time to study, I'm not so confident during the real exam.
On the day when the result came out, we texted each other remember. After I knew my result, I was really sad. I stopped texting you for a while and I stayed in my room for the whole evening. I needed time for myself to think what i've done. From there, I know that i was never being serious about my study before. And maybe now, I'm still not serious. But I know one thing, it's my wake up call. I need to study harder and spend my time more on books.
From that moment, I tried to balance everything, I spent more time to do study group with friends, did more exercise, stayed up till late night and went out less. But, the result for my A2 internal exam was still below the cut of point. At that time, none of my close friends care about the cut off point. Only the lecturers did. When it came to A2 exam, I just tried my best.
I called the college to get my final result. My bio lecturer told me one by one. I got a better result for my phy when compared to my AS result, so I felt a bit confident to pass the cut off point. When she went through one by one, i see there was hope for me to pass but sadly, the last subject-bio dragged the points down. At that time, i've tried my best and i've no point to be frustrated because i cant change anything. I've put all my efforts and i still scored 11 points. I was only sad because i cant join my friends to go to Poland.
About my parents, after getting my AS result, i called them, i cried. I know how my mom felt that time. She hoped her son will pass, but different things happened, her son failed. Though she didnt scold me, I know she's sad by seeing the way she talked and reacted. We met during CNY. During vacation, my parents talked a lot about my study. The way they talk, they didnt put much pressure on me, but i still can feel it.
Before AS, I can say that i'm not a good son. I seldom called home, talked to my mom and when i did badly during my exam, she had her right to scold me. That time, when she nagged at me, I just listened to her and pretended nothing happened. I hate it when people ask me to do this or to do that. That is not the way I like. But try to find the reason why they ask us to do this and that. There must be a good reason behind it. If you dont like it, you try to find the least you can do to fix the situation.
So, what i did is from that moment is, I tried to spend few minutes to call my mom everyday. I told her what i've done for that day and asked her to pray for me. It's a lie if i say i've never get mad at her. I did and i still do now, but it takes me not too long for me to cool down. She's not in our situation so she doesnt know how we feel. Just take what she said as a challenge. Prove that you're the best son/daughter in your family.
The truth is, my mom always put too much hope on me as her first son and the eldest in my family. I can feel that she's not treating my sister like how she treats me all this time. She gives me everything i want but, i made a mistake which is i failed to make her dream come true. Thanks God, now i've a chance to study abroad and i'll use this chance to prove to her that i'm worth to be her son.
So for now, just do your job which is to study hard. Don't let anyone down. Cheer up. This is not the end. The journey is still long. Anything can happen next time. Don't blame anyone, don't blame yourself. You just need to carry on your responsibility as a student. When someone nags at you and you find he/she don't know the real situation, just ignore them. I've been at your place and i know how it feels. Just trust yourself in whatever you're doing now or in the future. Only you can determine you fate. Only you can change your future.
I write this post for myself, to remind me not to forget my responsibilities as a student and a son to my parents. I'll try my best
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