Sunday, January 29, 2012

Teringat teguran pak cik aku ketika hari raya aidilfitri tahun lepas.  Tidak enak gambar begitu diletakkan di laman sosial yang boleh ditatap oleh jutaan orang.  Seingat aku, sudah cukup ketat 'mode privacy' di letakkan.   Dia tegur straight kat muka aku, depan pak cik dan mak cik yang lain.  Tipu la kalau aku cakap aku tak rasa malu.  Aku malu, cuba untuk menyembunyikan rasa malu, aku buat-buat tak tahu.  I'm good at being and acting cool. LOL 

Aku faham kenapa ditegur begitu, cukup buat aku untuk fikir banyak kali.  Memang kita perlu berfikir banyak kali untuk buat sesuatu.  Aku faham dan sekarang lebih banyak berfikir sebelum bertindak.  

Persoalannya, adakah semua yang berlaku adil? adakah apa yang terjadi kepadaku terjadi kepada orang lain?  Melihat laman sosial seorang saudara rapat, A yang lebih terbuka menjaja kisahnya kepada umum, adakah dia diperlakukan sebegitu juga?  

Dalam kes aku, di laman sosialku, hanya sedikit gambar yang mungkin agak sensitif bagi sesetengah pihak diletakkan, itupun sudah sedaya upaya di'hide'kan untuk orang umum, apatah lagi pak cik dan mak cik aku.  Dengan keadaan 'private' begitupun aku sudah dileteri oleh mereka.  Sedangkan aku tidak mendengar pun sebarang komen terhadap A.  Jika dibandingkan jantina, sepatutnya, mereka harus lebih membimbangkan si A kerana dia seorang perempuan.  Bukan hendak menjadi seksis, tetapi apakah elok seorang perempuan lebih banyak menjaja cerita peribadi daripada lelaki?

Masih berfikir dan mencari jawapan.  Bagiku, dileteri bukan satu masalah, ianya lebih kepada satu penghargaan kerana mereka sayang akan aku.  Ia mengingatkan aku, sesetengah perkara adalah lebih baik disimpan untuk diri sendiri.  Tidak semua yang boleh diceritakan kepada orang luar.  Tidak molek jika kita menceritakan semua yang terjadi kepada orang ramai.

Hidup ini umpama bulan. Bulan penuh jarang terjadi

Friday, January 13, 2012

DuaKosongSatu

I tried to sleep, but i cant.  It is because either i slept in the evening or something is bothering me.

Yes, something is bothering me right now.  I'm not sure whether it's my fault or other way round.  For me, I didnt do anything wrong.

Maybe i shouldn't text you when you're with your friends at the first place.

Ive tried my best to response to what youve said but i failed and it hurt you.

If i didnt reply "OK" maybe we'll be alright.  But, the problem is, when i asked you question, you only response to my question.  I'm looking for a two way communication.  Next time, let's try this way,  you ask me a question and i'll answer only to that question.  In the end, you'll end like how i did.  Try to check your inbox and see whether it's true or not.  Prove me wrong if you think it's my fault.

It took you 3 hours to reply my text message.  But that's not the problem.  I know you're busy watching drama performance and sometimes, you also have to wait for my text message when i'm sleeping or playing futsal.  After the drama, you texted me saying you're sorry, still, that's not the problem.  Then i asked you whether the drama had finished or not, then you replied 'yes', i asked you what are you doing at that time, then you replied you're with your friend, i'm actually waiting for you to ask me something or tell me anything about the drama.  So i asked you another few questions, asked you about your dinner, your tomorrow class and then you only answered the questions.  This questions and answers session last until i didnt have any other ideas to talk about.  So in the end, i answered OK.  I'm sorry if the OK part made you aint' OK.

If it's really my fault, i'm sorry.

These few days, we didn't skype that much even on our first anniversary :( If you ask me whether is it ok if we do not skype every night, i will say no.  It's because i miss you so much.  However, I have to be fair to you,  I know you're busy with your exam which is next week so i gve way to you to study.  We spent less time texting and etc.  At night, when you said you're doing revision, i will stop texting you and ask you to text me after you've finished everything.  Yes, you did text me but i felt guilty because at the time you texted me because, you're still studying at your apartment.

Maybe from now on, we should continue texting each other only on the next day.  I dont want to distract you from doing revision.  I'm sorry if i've done wrong

I'm sorry that i've to post this after the 200th post :(

Note to myself : Jangan hanya fikir tentang hati dan perasaan sendiri,

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

200th post & I love you :)

Let's make it simple and special :)

I thought about this idea before my christmas holiday last month.  Before that, there were several ideas in my head.  After thinking about cost, time consumption, materials and etc, i made my decision to make something special out of something simple.

Firstly, i'm sorry, i lied to you saying that i'm doing my lomowall project as i didnt have any ideas to answer you when you asked me what project that i did.  I spent few days on that project and early January, i posted it to Malaysia

Thanks to your friend.  I have your friend's number and i asked her for help.  At first, i'm scared to ask her but she's fine with it.  I owe your friend one.  After one week, yesterday, 9.1.12 she texted me saying that she already got the package that i sent.  I delivered the package to her instead of my <3 She asked me when she should give the package to her.  I told her to give it today 10.1.12 and she asked me why not yesterday.  Then, change of plan, the package was given to her yesterday.  Her friend put the package on her desk when she's jogging.  I didnt expect your friend to do that but, that's a good idea indeed.

I was quite nervous waiting for your text saying that you had opened the package.  But i didnt get any text message about that.  I knew from your tweet when you discover the package on your desk but i didnt want to ask about it.  I'm sorry, maybe that gift is very simple, i've tried my best to make it special for you :)

Happy one year anniversary sayang :)  I love you so much.  May our relationship will last forever.  I want to grow old with you, I want to share every precious moments with you, I want to spend more time with you if possible.

This is my 200th post and it's especially for you :)

Haziq
Jakarta

Happy one year anniversary sayang :)
Dapat jugak bagi hadiah beratus-ratus ribu kat orang. kalau kat malaysia mana dapat. hehehe

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Title

Dengan rasminya hari ini aku diisytiharkan sebagai anak gondrong.

Anak gondrong dalam bahasa Indonesia bermaksud long-haired child apabila di google translatekan ke dalam bahasa Inggeris ataupun budak berambut panjang dalam bahasa Melayu.

Kenapa? salahkah student medic berambut panjang?

Percayalah rambut aku mungkin lebih panjang daripada seperti di atas.
Gambar daripada camera kurang dari 5.0mp

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

For me, for you, and for everyone

Please don't be sad.  There are still enough time for you to study and score in your coming AS this may/june.  When I compare your result to mine, you have done much better, way better than i did last time.  In real exam, there wont be any problem for you to score if you keep on doing what you did now-study constantly.  

I've a few friends that didn't pass their internal exam but they still get good result.  Internal exam is nothing.  So just treat is as exercise.  I know how sad you are, you get all the pressure from your friend who get better result, and the most from your family.  I've been in your place, so I know how it feels. 

After getting poor result for my internal exam last time,  I kept on thinking, I might not pass the cut off point, but i still put a lot of effort to study.  I'm not like you, I can say that you do your revision everyday.  Last time, i played a lot, fooled around and not being serious in my study.  The result is, i never get near 10 points for my internal exams.  With so little time to study, I'm not so confident during the real exam.

On the day when the result came out, we texted each other remember.  After I knew my result, I was really sad.  I stopped texting you for a while and I stayed in my room for the whole evening.  I needed time for myself to think what i've done.  From there, I know that i was never being serious about my study before.  And maybe now, I'm still not serious.  But I know one thing, it's my wake up call.  I need to study harder and spend my time more on books.

From that moment, I tried to balance everything, I spent more time to do study group with friends, did more exercise, stayed up till late night and went out less.  But, the result for my A2 internal exam was still below the cut of point.  At that time, none of my close friends care about the cut off point.  Only the lecturers did.  When it came to A2 exam, I just tried my best.

I called the college to get my final result.  My bio lecturer told me one by one.  I got a better result for my phy when compared to my AS result, so I felt a bit confident to pass the cut off point.  When she went through one by one, i see there was hope for me to pass but sadly, the last subject-bio dragged the points down.  At that time, i've tried my best and i've no point to be frustrated because i cant change anything.  I've put all my efforts and i still scored 11 points.  I was only sad because i cant join my friends to go to Poland.

About my parents, after getting my AS result, i called them, i cried.  I know how my mom felt that time.  She hoped her son will pass, but different things happened, her son failed.  Though she didnt scold me, I know she's sad by seeing the way she talked and reacted.  We met during CNY.  During vacation, my parents talked a lot about my study.  The way they talk, they didnt put much pressure on me, but i still can feel it.  

Before AS, I can say that i'm not a good son.  I seldom called home, talked to my mom and when i did badly during my exam, she had her right to scold me.  That time, when she nagged at me, I just listened to her and pretended nothing happened.  I hate it when people ask me to do this or to do that.  That is not the way I like.  But try to find the reason why they ask us to do this and that.  There must be a good reason behind it.  If you dont like it, you try to find the least you can do to fix the situation.

So, what i did is from that moment is, I tried to spend few minutes to call my mom everyday.  I told her what i've done for that day and asked her to pray for me.  It's a lie if i say i've never get mad at her.  I did and i still do now, but it takes me not too long for me to cool down.  She's not in our situation so she doesnt know how we feel.  Just take what she said as a challenge.  Prove that you're the best son/daughter in your family.

The truth is, my mom always put too much hope on me as her first son and the eldest in my family.  I can feel that she's not treating my sister like how she treats me all this time.  She gives me everything i want but, i made a mistake which is i failed to make her dream come true.  Thanks God, now i've a chance to study abroad and i'll use this chance to prove to her that i'm worth to be her son.

So for now, just do your job which is to study hard.  Don't let anyone down.  Cheer up.  This is not the end.  The journey is still long.  Anything can happen next time.  Don't blame anyone, don't blame yourself.  You just need to carry on your responsibility as a student.  When someone nags at you and you find he/she don't know the real situation, just ignore them.  I've been at your place and i know how it feels.  Just trust yourself in whatever you're doing now or in the future.  Only you can determine you fate.  Only you can change your future.

I write this post for myself, to remind me not to forget my responsibilities as a student and a son to my parents.  I'll try my best

Monday, January 2, 2012

Ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa.  Aku tak guna akal.

Maaf 

semoga aku lebih matang
I just want it to be between us alone.  No other distractions if possible.  It seems like you're busy doing other things.  hmm.  I'm sorry if i'm doing things like that too but i've tried my best to bring up topics to talk about.  If it's not interesting enough, sorry, at least ive asked you many questions and what i actually want is a 2 way communication.  I'm sorry if you dont agree with me.  I just write what i feel.  Sorry.

I love you

Sunday, January 1, 2012

First day of 2012

My first day of 2012 is not over yet.  Still an hour to go.  So how's my first day of 2012?

I spent most of my time inside my room watching korean's variety show, running man.  I've been watching it since early december and now i'm addicted to it.  I planned to start my day by waking up early in the morning, do something beneficial.  however i woke up at noon and i didnt do anything beneficial.  what a bad start for my new year.

At least i've finished my project today.  It finished in time as i planned to get it done before  i returned myself to my hectic schedule.  Done with the project, surveyed the place and now i knew where it is :)
Friends went to the mall without telling me.  I feel a bit sad because they should at least asked me to join but, they left me alone celebrating the first day inside my room :(

I cant sleep well last night.  Maybe that's why i woke up at noon today.  Ive few things in my head now and mostly are about money.  My finance is not stable now and i've to spend wisely.  I have to stop myself from spending too much on food.  I try to use only IDR 50 000 for a week. Can I? 

I think second day of 2012 wont bring any difference to me.  Just the same old Haziq