I know you are very busy preparing for you big exam.  We seldom text each other and no more every night skype-ing.  I understand u've something which is more important to do.  Ive tried control myself from thinking too much about it. But the fact is, i cant endure the pain of missing you :'( i miss you so much.  I would be better if my another half is missing me too.

Your absence has gone through me

Like thread through a needle.  Everything I do is stitched with its color.~W.S. Merwin,    "Separation"

i miss you :( 

I know what i did last holiday

I'll try to summarize my first semester break in this post.

nothing can beat the excitement of going back to your hometown after 5 months away.  My dad booked my flight ticket to Malaysia on the 7th of February.  I boarded an early morning flight.  Reached Kuala Lumpur at noon.  As soon as i entered the departure hall, i contacted her and my best friend muadz.  Of course i called my mom first to tell her that i've arrived.  I bought ERL ticket to go to KL Sentral.  Met muadz at Salak Tinggi ERL station. 

After taking the ERL, i stopped at Hang Tuah's station to meet her :) it's our first meeting after 5 months.  Though i was very happy to see her, my condition made the situation a bit awkward.  I was sweating like hell carrying my bags.  I've to rush because i've customers waiting for their films.  Ohh, before i went back, i bought some film stocks i sold most of them to my analogue-lover-friends. 

At the pavillion, after meeting all customers, we had lunch together with muadz.  I know you didnt like it but he's my bestfriend and we've not meet each other since august 2011.  Sorry :( but at least we spent the rest of the time together right? 

After spending some times together, we had to say goodbye to each other.  That's the part i hate the most. We've been apart for 5 months and only able to meet each other for few hours :( my flight to Sibu was on the next day, 8th of Feb.  The End of my KL's Story.  My Sibu's story is coming soon.

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When i reached Sibu airport and met my parents-they came to fetch me, the first thing my dad said was my hair looked like helmet. -.-'' I didnt cut my hair when i was in Indonesia.  So it's been 6 months since i cut my hair last time. 

In Sibu, my daily routine was (starting from the morning i wake up), woke up, had my lunch, went out with my best cousin, went back home, had my dinner, tv/online, on the phone with her and this routine kept on repeating every day.

While in Sibu, here are the list of activities i joined :

• Cousin's birthday celebration
• Futsal with friends
• Went to bintangor with friends
• Celebrate ex-history teacher birthday
• Went to school
• Went photo outing with nidzam
• Attend cousin's wedding reception
• Took lots of photos using my film cameras

These are all the activities that i can recall.  I'm sorry if i only did that during my one month holiday.

On the 3rd of March, I left Sibu for Kuala Lumpur before going back to Jakarta the next day, 4th of March.  Again, I met her and we spent some times together.  We had dinner to celebrate our birthday.  It was pre-celebration as both of us were born in March.  The difference is just the date, im in the middle of march and hers is on the last week of the month.  I hope you'll keep the simple present that i gave that night.

Thanks because you're willing to spend some times with me though you know it's only for few hours and you might get tired because of me.  I want you to know that though it was only a short meeting, and we met only twice, i appreciate your efforts to come to see me.  That means a lot to me.  I will remember all the times we had together.  I will keep our memories till forever.  and i hope you'll do the same thing.  I want you to know that i love you so much and no matter how far the distance between us, trust me, i'll always be by your side when you need me.  Regarding the distance that keep us apart, u dont have to worry because  distance never separates two hearts that really care.  Sometimes, i do feel sad because i miss you so much, but after all, i remind myself how lucky i am to have someone special to miss.  I may not be able to give you lots of money, but i guarantee that i can give you happiness as long you are with me :) i love you so much 

That's how i spent my one month holiday and a bit out-of-topic heart expressions

Stay tuned for the next post, i will post some of my pictures taken with my beloved film cameras :)

Another post without title.

I'm totally clueless and confused with what's happening right now.  Never been in situation like this before.

I hope everything will be fine and back to normal.

I'm sorry with what i've said.  I know you are offended but I just cant control myself to say it.  Letting myself to say it was my biggest mistake.  I'm so sorry :'(

I love you so much L.  If you let me to know any of your problems, i promise, we will go through them together and i'll be a better person who can lead you till jannah.  If i've ever done any mistakes, please forgive me :(

I love you so much.

How am i going to start this post?

Hmm, I'm sorry for what i've done.  I know it's my fault that you have to let go your studies that night.  I really want to talk to you but i cant even open my eyes.  I'm so sorry, it's not what i want.

The next day, i texted you and i got cold response from you.  I knew you're mad at me because of the night before.  But i tried to act like nothing happened.  I apologized, asked you everything, told you what i'm doing that time, tried to bring up some stories but still, that didnt work.  I dont know what's wrong.  Maybe i've done something wrong but i dont know what.

I'm not sure what i have done, but if you want me to know your problem please tell me what it is and dont keep it to yourself.  I'm not a psychic to read people's mind.  And i'm still learning to be a good boyfriend.  Please give me some times to learn.

I love you so much and i want this situation to end as soon as possible. I'm just an ordinary human being, i make mistakes, i'm sorry.

"speechless" :'(

Teringat teguran pak cik aku ketika hari raya aidilfitri tahun lepas.  Tidak enak gambar begitu diletakkan di laman sosial yang boleh ditatap oleh jutaan orang.  Seingat aku, sudah cukup ketat 'mode privacy' di letakkan.   Dia tegur straight kat muka aku, depan pak cik dan mak cik yang lain.  Tipu la kalau aku cakap aku tak rasa malu.  Aku malu, cuba untuk menyembunyikan rasa malu, aku buat-buat tak tahu.  I'm good at being and acting cool. LOL 

Aku faham kenapa ditegur begitu, cukup buat aku untuk fikir banyak kali.  Memang kita perlu berfikir banyak kali untuk buat sesuatu.  Aku faham dan sekarang lebih banyak berfikir sebelum bertindak.  

Persoalannya, adakah semua yang berlaku adil? adakah apa yang terjadi kepadaku terjadi kepada orang lain?  Melihat laman sosial seorang saudara rapat, A yang lebih terbuka menjaja kisahnya kepada umum, adakah dia diperlakukan sebegitu juga?  

Dalam kes aku, di laman sosialku, hanya sedikit gambar yang mungkin agak sensitif bagi sesetengah pihak diletakkan, itupun sudah sedaya upaya di'hide'kan untuk orang umum, apatah lagi pak cik dan mak cik aku.  Dengan keadaan 'private' begitupun aku sudah dileteri oleh mereka.  Sedangkan aku tidak mendengar pun sebarang komen terhadap A.  Jika dibandingkan jantina, sepatutnya, mereka harus lebih membimbangkan si A kerana dia seorang perempuan.  Bukan hendak menjadi seksis, tetapi apakah elok seorang perempuan lebih banyak menjaja cerita peribadi daripada lelaki?

Masih berfikir dan mencari jawapan.  Bagiku, dileteri bukan satu masalah, ianya lebih kepada satu penghargaan kerana mereka sayang akan aku.  Ia mengingatkan aku, sesetengah perkara adalah lebih baik disimpan untuk diri sendiri.  Tidak semua yang boleh diceritakan kepada orang luar.  Tidak molek jika kita menceritakan semua yang terjadi kepada orang ramai.

Hidup ini umpama bulan. Bulan penuh jarang terjadi

DuaKosongSatu

I tried to sleep, but i cant.  It is because either i slept in the evening or something is bothering me.

Yes, something is bothering me right now.  I'm not sure whether it's my fault or other way round.  For me, I didnt do anything wrong.

Maybe i shouldn't text you when you're with your friends at the first place.

Ive tried my best to response to what youve said but i failed and it hurt you.

If i didnt reply "OK" maybe we'll be alright.  But, the problem is, when i asked you question, you only response to my question.  I'm looking for a two way communication.  Next time, let's try this way,  you ask me a question and i'll answer only to that question.  In the end, you'll end like how i did.  Try to check your inbox and see whether it's true or not.  Prove me wrong if you think it's my fault.

It took you 3 hours to reply my text message.  But that's not the problem.  I know you're busy watching drama performance and sometimes, you also have to wait for my text message when i'm sleeping or playing futsal.  After the drama, you texted me saying you're sorry, still, that's not the problem.  Then i asked you whether the drama had finished or not, then you replied 'yes', i asked you what are you doing at that time, then you replied you're with your friend, i'm actually waiting for you to ask me something or tell me anything about the drama.  So i asked you another few questions, asked you about your dinner, your tomorrow class and then you only answered the questions.  This questions and answers session last until i didnt have any other ideas to talk about.  So in the end, i answered OK.  I'm sorry if the OK part made you aint' OK.

If it's really my fault, i'm sorry.

These few days, we didn't skype that much even on our first anniversary :( If you ask me whether is it ok if we do not skype every night, i will say no.  It's because i miss you so much.  However, I have to be fair to you,  I know you're busy with your exam which is next week so i gve way to you to study.  We spent less time texting and etc.  At night, when you said you're doing revision, i will stop texting you and ask you to text me after you've finished everything.  Yes, you did text me but i felt guilty because at the time you texted me because, you're still studying at your apartment.

Maybe from now on, we should continue texting each other only on the next day.  I dont want to distract you from doing revision.  I'm sorry if i've done wrong

I'm sorry that i've to post this after the 200th post :(

Note to myself : Jangan hanya fikir tentang hati dan perasaan sendiri,

200th post & I love you :)

Let's make it simple and special :)

I thought about this idea before my christmas holiday last month.  Before that, there were several ideas in my head.  After thinking about cost, time consumption, materials and etc, i made my decision to make something special out of something simple.

Firstly, i'm sorry, i lied to you saying that i'm doing my lomowall project as i didnt have any ideas to answer you when you asked me what project that i did.  I spent few days on that project and early January, i posted it to Malaysia

Thanks to your friend.  I have your friend's number and i asked her for help.  At first, i'm scared to ask her but she's fine with it.  I owe your friend one.  After one week, yesterday, 9.1.12 she texted me saying that she already got the package that i sent.  I delivered the package to her instead of my <3 She asked me when she should give the package to her.  I told her to give it today 10.1.12 and she asked me why not yesterday.  Then, change of plan, the package was given to her yesterday.  Her friend put the package on her desk when she's jogging.  I didnt expect your friend to do that but, that's a good idea indeed.

I was quite nervous waiting for your text saying that you had opened the package.  But i didnt get any text message about that.  I knew from your tweet when you discover the package on your desk but i didnt want to ask about it.  I'm sorry, maybe that gift is very simple, i've tried my best to make it special for you :)

Happy one year anniversary sayang :)  I love you so much.  May our relationship will last forever.  I want to grow old with you, I want to share every precious moments with you, I want to spend more time with you if possible.

This is my 200th post and it's especially for you :)

Haziq
Jakarta

Happy one year anniversary sayang :)

Dapat jugak bagi hadiah beratus-ratus ribu kat orang. kalau kat malaysia mana dapat. hehehe